by Karen Lindwall-Bourg | Oct 30, 2020 | Blog, Celebrate Life!
Caring for Your Elderly Parent: A Glee or A Grieve? (Part 2)
Read Part 1 as you honor your elderly parents! You are the right person at the right time for this job!
Are you overwhelmed with responsibilities at work, all the chores at home including marriage and children responsibilities? It is obviously a stretch to ‘dress and lead’ the stranger in your house who used to be your adorable son/daughter. You are also expected to ‘dress and lead’ your biggest cheer leader, your strongest support, your teacher/coach, your mother whom you are certain, knows everything and has always been independent! How can you find the wisdom, the strength or the time to do that?
MOSES’ EXAMPLE OF CAREGIVING
The Israelites probably felt this way too when Moses addressed them on the principles for Godly living.
Deuteronomy 11: 2 “Know today that I do not speak with your children, who have not known and who have not seen the chastening of the Lord your God,–”
Moses spoke to responsible adults at the prime of their lives, full of understanding and who, at that point in their lives were raising their own families, handling every responsibility that comes with that role in addition to caring for their parents with failing health and at the end of their lives. Laden with many life cares and uncertainties, they still had to honor their parents.
CAREGIVING – IT’S YOUR TURN!
Having to deal with overwhelming responsibilities of daily living, you wish you had the power to extend the time of the day by at least one hour to accomplish more, and you try your best to remain physically and mentally well enough for your role. How can you possibly add an additional responsibility to your long list? But it is not that simple, this extra responsibility is not exactly straight forward or by any measures all under your control. It involves taking charge of your parents. The role has changed and you are in charge of your wise parents. You are actually responsible for their lives.
You wonder how or when the role changed. Not too long ago, your parents were in charge of everything and everyone; how can you suddenly be in the position to make decisions for their lives? You wonder if you can handle it. Or should you even accept the responsibility? It may seem like the most difficult situation, and you can genuinely present a thousand and one reasons to exclude these new responsibilities from your to-do list, but this is a most rewarding task when accomplished and most likely, you will not know peace if you try to escape or handle it haphazardly.
EXPERIENCING RESISTANCE DURING CAREGIVING?
Failing mental health is not uncommon after about seventy years. Some elderly are aware of this fact but most are not conscious of it and may insist on continuing with their lives as usual. You may earn a few “choice names” for attempting to adjust things around them. What if they hold on and will not stretch out their hands ready for you to lead them? This can be very frustrating, but are you still available? How else have you experience resistance?
I have presented an overview of middle adulthood responsibilities, and a common reasonable excuse to avoid the task of caring for your elderly loved ones. You may not be able to change the circumstances around you at the moment, but you can adjust the way you handle some these circumstances to reap the positive rewards.
John 23:18 “Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”
ARE YOU CAPABLE AND AVAILABLE TO ‘DRESS AND LEAD’ YOUR LOVED ONES AS THEY STRETCH OUT THEIR HANDS?
Need help? I will work with you to review and prioritize your responsibilities as well as equip you with tools to accomplish your goals.
Read Part 1 as you honor your elderly parents!
Written by Grace Edoho-ukwa, LPC
Originally Posted on Rhema Counseling Associates
by Karen Lindwall-Bourg | Oct 30, 2020 | Blog, Celebrate Life!
Caregiving for Your Elderly Parent: A Glee or A Grieve? (Part 1)
John 21:18 “Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”
When I was a Child
It is amazing how time changes things. I remember when I looked up to my mother and depended on and trusted her to make all things right. As far as I can remember, if she was around, all was well. She had the best answer for all my concerns. She cared for all nine of her children and responded to her husband as unto God. She had very little material things to offer but her house was home, even for the strangers who stopped by. As a teenager, I honestly didn’t consider her sound wisdom to be the best part of my days. I wished she would let me be free like other children, but she had a way of knowing when I was about to go astray and I could never escape those words of wisdom.
My Mother’s Example of Caregiving
She had her mother living with us and it was a fun time for the children. What a burden that caregiving must have been on her; a full house plus one with so little to work with. She never complained. All I can remember her saying (that now, I can almost conclude had something to do with her taking care of her mother) was a constant prayer that God should help her not be a burden to her children. She cared for her mother just like she did her father to their very last day. Now I understand why, on the day her mother died, in tears, she danced around the house, singing and praising God. She had accomplished [or completed or fulfilled or obeyed] one of the greatest commandments, “honor your parents.” She could never be faulted in this, she passed the test and that chapter was closed.
God’s Command to Honor
Commandment number five; Exodus 20:12, states “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
How many times have we repeated this commandment to our children and in Sunday school classes and wish our children would just understand that this is for their own good! Consistently, we have attributed this commandment to very young children and never once thought of ourselves as grown-ups or adults who are still children as long as our parents are alive.
Obey, Respect, Honor
The word revere and the phrase ’hold in the highest regard’ come to my mind in the place of honor and they really do not mean much to little children or to teenagers. Little children depend entirely on their parents to meet their needs; their major concern is to play with their favorite toys until they have a new favorite. The word ‘honor’ would not fit perfectly in these scenarios. Adolescents have so much going on in their bodies and may not worry about that word if it is not already a part of their lives. When speaking to children, I prefer to talk about obedience as recorded in Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right”.
A child, who grows up obeying his parents, naturally grows to gradually replace obedience with respect and honor as the stages of life and his role gradually changes. As he grows into adulthood, respect for elders as a value is formed. When the roles change and he is in charge and probably has to “lead his parents”, he seeks to honor them in all areas of their lives.
This commandment applies more to the adult children who will be blessed as they ‘dress’ and ‘lead’ their elderly parents with honor when they stretch out their hands’ in caregiving.
This role change is not just one more task in your overflowing bowl; it is caring for your parents who cared for you as long as you can remember. This can be very overwhelming. Start with identifying the areas of this role change that are most challenging to you.
Read Part 2 as you honor your elderly parents!
Written by Grace Edoho-ukwa, LPC
Originally Posted on Rhema Counseling Associates
by Karen Lindwall-Bourg | Oct 30, 2020 | Blog, Celebrate Life!
Scripture Sufficiently Stands
“What Makes Biblical Counseling Biblical?”
When the counseling process recognizes the Bible as SUFFICIENT and needs NO INTEGRATION! Do not wed the Truth from the Word of God with the truth of secular psychology. Because of the nouetic effect of sin [noese = mind], sins affect our ability to think and reason. Under common grace there are certain things than don’t have to be proven. Counseling doesn’t usually deal with these things.
Biblical Counseling deals with the HEART (not ranked behaviors). We cannot derive subjective truth about what is going on in our or someone else’s HEART apart from the sufficient Bible! Do you believe in the doctrine of the sufficiency of the Bible? We are in a battle for the Bible. If the Bible majors on it – that’s what I’m going to major on in the counseling room!
Scripture Gives Confidence
“What Makes Biblical Counseling Biblical?”
When the counseling process can be derived and understood by any growing believer. This knowledge is available to everyone, not just the counselor, resulting in increased confidence on the part of qualified believers. Don’t depreciate His sufficient Word!
Do I lack confidence? Consider the following from Scripture:
AlI I have is a personal relationship with the God of Heaven and earth!
AlI I have is all of His resources at my disposal!
AlI I have is His Sufficient Son seated at His right hand, interceding on my behalf!
AlI I have is the Holy Spirit resident inside of me!
AlI I have is the Holy Spirit’s sufficient Sword in my hand!
What do you expect me to accomplish with that?!
Scripture Perfectly Equips
“What Makes Biblical Counseling Biblical?”
When counseling is “elastic“ enough to grow with the counselor’s understanding of Scripture.
You may say, “I don’t know much about the Bible!” Neither did the woman at the well, but she had a pretty good ministry day! If faced with a choice between you with small understanding of Scripture and a secularist with degrees who didn’t love or know God; I choose YOU because of my confidence in your God and His Word. Don’t let a small theological pyramid stop you from letting God use you!
“The grass withers and the flower fades, but the Word of our Lord endures forever!” Isaiah 40:7,8
– notes from Dr. Steve Viars/NANC Training
Originally Published on Rhema Counseling Associates
by Karen Lindwall-Bourg | Oct 30, 2020 | Blog, Celebrate Life!
Concise Tips on How NOT to Talk to Your Kids About Sex!
Written by Audrey Werner RN, B.S.N.
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Matthew 18:15 – 17
BACKGROUND ABOUT SEX EDUCATION
– As early as 1948, children were considered to be “sexual beings” in need of sexual information.
– Supreme Court Decision – 1962 (Prayer out), 1963 (Bible reading out), 1964 (sex education officially put into schools through SIECUS).
-Sex education was developed by pornographers, Planned Parenthood, members of the American Humanist Association, gay and lesbian groups, and officials from the Kinsey Institute.
-The goal of sex education is to break down children’s modesty and open them up to sexual sin.
How NOT to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
ONE: Children will learn what is caught vs. what is taught.-What are you watching, modeling, and doing in the home? Is modesty encouraged?
Resource: The Truth about Sex by Kay Arthur
TWO: Approach the topic with modesty!
– Would you share porn pictures or trashy romance novel descriptions with your children? Remember that the graphic direct approach came from Planned Parenthood, the porn industry, and Kinsey.
-God models a tremendous amount of modesty in scripture. See Song of Solomon 7:1-5
-Historically the talk was done in an indirect way using the flowers, birds and bees.
Resource:
The Miracle of Life and The Miracle of Change (for girls) by Ami Loper
The Princess and the Kiss and The Squire and the Scroll by Jennie Bishop
THREE: Identity matters!
– Are your children “sexual beings” or a “royal priesthood, a holy nation, made in the image and likeness of God?” Which identity should we be encouraging?
– “It matters how we identify ourselves. If we are mistaken about our identity, we will be mistaken about our purpose, behavior, and choices.” Linda Bartlett, Author
-Resource:
The Mission: Boy to Man by Tim and Ami Loper
Beautiful Girlhood by Mable Hale
Raising Maidens of Virtue by Stacy McDonald
The Failure of Sex Education in the Church by Linda Bartlett
FOUR: Don’t use the “sex” word.
– Sex can mean many things. Use the term “marital act” with your children as it means only one thing. The term “private parts” communicates modesty for young children.
-Nowhere in Scripture does God use the correct anatomical name for the genitals. It is referred to as “nakedness” (see I Cor. 12:23b, Song of Songs 7:1-5).
FIVE: Teach self-control.
-SIECUS guidelines and Sexuality Experts encourage masturbation.
-Prior to the Sexual Revolution it was referred to as “self – abuse” and was discouraged due to the sacredness of that part of the body and its connection with life.
Foundations for How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex- the BIBLE!
Start with these foundational principles:
-God’s picture of marriage (start with Adam and Eve)
-God’s life giving process: Adam and Eve beget, Generations
-God’s message on purity in thought, word and deed (Psalm 119:9)
Written by Audrey Werner RN, B.S.N.
THE MATTHEW XVIII GROUPA PURITY PARADIAGM FOR OUR HOMES, CHURCHES AND NATIONFor more information on THE MATTHEW XVIII Group http://matthew18.org/
Audrey is a Professor at Master’s International School of Divinity, serves on the Advisory Board of the American Academy of Biblical Counseling as the “Sex Education Expert” and is a former sex educator and STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) Clinic nurse. She has been married 29 years and has 4 children.
Originally Posted on Rhema Counseling Associates
by Karen Lindwall-Bourg | Oct 30, 2020 | Blog, Celebrate Life!
Taming the Tongue
by Physical Fitness Coach, Daniel Stein
A “Change your Health… Change your Life” Message
Taming the Tongue toward Physical Fitness
VERSE REFERENCE: James 3:3-8 NLT (emphasis added)
We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.
SPIRITUAL MESSAGE for Physical Fitness
The tongue is a powerful weapon. In James, he goes as far as to compare the tongue is a flame of fire. He also says that no one can tame the tongue – it is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. I don’t know about you – but I’ve tried to tame my own tongue. I’ve focused so much on what I’m saying or not saying, trying my hardest to not say the wrong thing. And that’s the problem – the ability to control my tongue depends completely on me and my efforts. James said it himself – “no one can tame the tongue.”
There is still hope to control the tongue. We have access to that rudder that controls a huge ship in the direction it will turn. That rudder is the Holy Spirit. When we abide (remain in relationship) with the Holy Spirit, he does the work for us. He changes our hearts so we no longer have to try and “control” what comes out of our mouths. He doesn’t want us to become masters at managing sin. He wants us to allow Him to become master of us so he can do the heart changes to bring fourth good fruit in what comes out of your mouth, which leads to blessings.
PHYSICAL MESSAGE for Physical Fitness
The Holy Spirit can “tame your tongue” as it relates to what you eat. Instead of making the focus on trying really hard not to eat those foods you know aren’t so good for you, why not ask Holy Spirit to change your heart and empower you to control your tongue? When you allow the Holy Spirit to get involved, HE will make the changes in your heart, which is often where the underlying problem is. When we harbor sin in our hearts, it comes out in many different ways – even in the foods we crave. When He starts to make those changes in your heart, you’ll start having victories in what you eat and crave.
APPLICATION for Physical Fitness
1.) Every day when you wake up, ask the Holy Spirit to tame your tongue.
2.) Find a verse in the bible that will help you when you need the power to control your tongue
PRAYER for Physical Fitness
Lord, thank you that your grace and mercy is new every single day. Thank you that my performance is not dependent upon me but dependent upon what you did on the cross. Give me the power and strength today to tame my tongue towards people and what I eat. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
By: Daniel Stein, NFPT-CPT
“Change your Health… Change your Life”
Originally Posted on Rhema Counseling Associates
