John 21:18 “Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

It is amazing how time changes things. I remember when I looked up to my mother and depended on and trusted her to make all things right. As far as I can remember, if she was around, all was well. She had the best answer for all my concerns. She cared for all nine of her children and responded to her husband as unto God. She had very little material things to offer but her house was home, even for the strangers who stopped by. As a teenager, I honestly didn’t consider her sound wisdom to be the best part of my days. I wished she would let me be free like other children, but she had a way of knowing when I was about to go astray and I could never escape those words of wisdom.

She had her mother living with us and it was a fun time for the children. What a burden that caregiving must have been on her; a full house plus one with so little to work with. She never complained. All I can remember her saying (that now, I can almost conclude had something to do with her taking care of her mother) was a constant prayer that God should help her not be a burden to her children. She cared for her mother just like she did her father to their very last day. Now I understand why, on the day her mother died, in tears, she danced around the house, singing and praising God. She had accomplished [or completed or fulfilled or obeyed] one of the greatest commandments, “honor your parents.” She could never be faulted in this, she passed the test and that chapter was closed.

Commandment number five; Exodus 20:12, states “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

How many times have we repeated this commandment to our children and in Sunday school classes and wish our children would just understand that this is for their own good! Consistently, we have attributed this commandment to very young children and never once thought of ourselves as grown-ups or adults who are still children as long as our parents are alive.

The word revere and the phrase ’hold in the highest regard’ come to my mind in the place of honor and they really do not mean much to little children or to teenagers. Little children depend entirely on their parents to meet their needs; their major concern is to play with their favorite toys until they have a new favorite. The word ‘honor’ would not fit perfectly in these scenarios.  Adolescents have so much going on in their bodies and may not worry about that word if it is not already a part of their lives. When speaking to children, I prefer to talk about obedience as recorded in Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right”.

A child, who grows up obeying his parents, naturally grows to gradually replace obedience with respect and honor as the stages of life and his role gradually changes. As he grows into adulthood, respect for elders as a value is formed. When the roles change and he is in charge and probably has to “lead his parents”, he seeks to honor them in all areas of their lives.

This commandment applies more to the adult children who will be blessed as they ‘dress’ and ‘lead’ their elderly parents with honor when they stretch out their hands’ in caregiving.

This role change is not just one more task in your overflowing bowl; it is caring for your parents who cared for you as long as you can remember. This can be very overwhelming. Start with identifying the areas of this role change that are most challenging to you.

Read Part 2 as you honor your elderly parents!

Written by Grace Edoho-ukwa, LPC

Originally Posted on Rhema Counseling Associates