Caring for Your Elderly Parent: A Glee or A Grieve? (Part 2)
Read Part 1 as you honor your elderly parents! You are the right person at the right time for this job!
Are you overwhelmed with responsibilities at work, all the chores at home including marriage and children responsibilities? It is obviously a stretch to ‘dress and lead’ the stranger in your house who used to be your adorable son/daughter. You are also expected to ‘dress and lead’ your biggest cheer leader, your strongest support, your teacher/coach, your mother whom you are certain, knows everything and has always been independent! How can you find the wisdom, the strength or the time to do that?
MOSES’ EXAMPLE OF CAREGIVING
Deuteronomy 11: 2 “Know today that I do not speak with your children, who have not known and who have not seen the chastening of the Lord your God,–”
Moses spoke to responsible adults at the prime of their lives, full of understanding and who, at that point in their lives were raising their own families, handling every responsibility that comes with that role in addition to caring for their parents with failing health and at the end of their lives. Laden with many life cares and uncertainties, they still had to honor their parents.
CAREGIVING – IT’S YOUR TURN!
Having to deal with overwhelming responsibilities of daily living, you wish you had the power to extend the time of the day by at least one hour to accomplish more, and you try your best to remain physically and mentally well enough for your role. How can you possibly add an additional responsibility to your long list? But it is not that simple, this extra responsibility is not exactly straight forward or by any measures all under your control. It involves taking charge of your parents. The role has changed and you are in charge of your wise parents. You are actually responsible for their lives.
You wonder how or when the role changed. Not too long ago, your parents were in charge of everything and everyone; how can you suddenly be in the position to make decisions for their lives? You wonder if you can handle it. Or should you even accept the responsibility? It may seem like the most difficult situation, and you can genuinely present a thousand and one reasons to exclude these new responsibilities from your to-do list, but this is a most rewarding task when accomplished and most likely, you will not know peace if you try to escape or handle it haphazardly.
EXPERIENCING RESISTANCE DURING CAREGIVING?
Failing mental health is not uncommon after about seventy years. Some elderly are aware of this fact but most are not conscious of it and may insist on continuing with their lives as usual. You may earn a few “choice names” for attempting to adjust things around them. What if they hold on and will not stretch out their hands ready for you to lead them? This can be very frustrating, but are you still available? How else have you experience resistance?
I have presented an overview of middle adulthood responsibilities, and a common reasonable excuse to avoid the task of caring for your elderly loved ones. You may not be able to change the circumstances around you at the moment, but you can adjust the way you handle some these circumstances to reap the positive rewards.
John 23:18 “Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”
ARE YOU CAPABLE AND AVAILABLE TO ‘DRESS AND LEAD’ YOUR LOVED ONES AS THEY STRETCH OUT THEIR HANDS?
Need help? I will work with you to review and prioritize your responsibilities as well as equip you with tools to accomplish your goals.
Read Part 1 as you honor your elderly parents!
Written by Grace Edoho-ukwa, LPC
Originally Posted on Rhema Counseling Associates