from GriefBeliefs guide to Reconciling Grief and Mourning
There is a beautiful tradition in the Jewish faith of sitting shiva when someone dies. Simply explained, it is the ritual of doing nothing but grieving for a period of seven days. There are many practices which go along with this period. Some tear their clothing, many do not bathe or shower for the seven days, and most cover all the reflective surfaces in their home.
If you have lost someone you love deeply, you know how crucial this grieving ritual can be. I especially appreciated not being able to see in reflective surfaces how bad I looked after crying my eyes out!
However, in our Christian and western culture, we are often not taught how to or allowed to grieve. Unfortunately, this can create additional difficulties in our life during an already critical time of crises.
It’s okay to be sad.
Grief can be felt after any loss – the death or other loss of a loved one, the loss of a pet, a job or even a dream or hope. It is ok the feel sad. It’s okay to say you are sad and it is even beneficial to cry.
In order to heal through grief it’s important to acknowledge that you are mourning. Your grief and loss are real and unique. It’s normal to feel the way you’re feeling.
It’s okay to ask for what you need.
Often, when it comes to grief people really don’t know how to act toward us or what to say. At times an effort to help someone can potentially be very hurtful. The best way to help your loved ones help you when you are experiencing grief is to tell them what you need.
This added responsibility or burden may seem a bit unfair as you might expect people to automatically know what you need. But, it will be much easier on you and your relationships if you can make your wants known. Let your support system know how they can support you!
There may be times when you just don’t know what you need. If that is the case, just say so. There have been times in grief when I have just needed someone to do nothing but sit in the same room with me. Everyone grieves (it is a universal emotion), but grief is extremely individual (unique). No two people will mourn the same, so be honest about how you feel and how others can help.
Time for Lament
A Time for Everything
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Whether you follow a stage theory of grieving (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) or various task theories of mourning (acknowledge, embrace, remember, develop, relate, receive, reconcile), your journey is a personal experience. One thing is certain, while healing from grief and loss you will experience many other emotions – from anger, frustration, disappointment, and hopelessness, to feelings of wanting to give up. It is normal and acceptable to feel all those emotions.
Remember:
- The LORD is BIG enough to handle whatever you feel.
- He endured the ultimate grief of the death of His SON on the cross.
- He loves you and will comfort you.
Lament
The definition of lament is – a passionate expression of grief or sorrow, an expression or deep grief or expression of disappointment or regret over something considered unfair, unsatisfactory or unreasonable. God wants you to communicate your lament to Him.
When you consider grief can be about numerous things, the definition of lament fits nicely into the way we feel about all things. We can take our example from King David who was an adulterer, plotted a murder, and then made the decision to run for the hills rather than deal with the consequences. Yet, when we read the psalms he wrote he consistently cried out to God. He complained, he blamed, he cowered, and he whined, he begged, he plead, he repented and he praised God. In his lament he went through the gambit of human emotion. God never forsook him. David lamented and issued praises. He actually worshiped through his lament!
Check out Psalm 89 as a perfect example of lamentation. It starts with the writer remembering the promises God has made. The first part of the psalm is about God’s goodness and faithfulness. (verse 1 – I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever; with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.) Then the tone changes and the writer clearly feels forgotten by the Lord (verse 46 – How long, O Lord? Will you hide yourself forever?) In the final verse, he issues praise again (Blessed be the Lord forever!) This is a courageous picture of how God wants us to bring our sorrow, grief, regret, disappointment, and loss to Him. God will be faithful to answer and to comfort!
The major point and key to lament, as a part of healing through grief and mourning, is communicating all these feelings to God. This is where you will find true comfort and lasting relief.
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT HEALING FROM GRIEF AND LOSS ON YOUR JOURNEY?
If you need more support or guidance please contact me.
Blessings,
Karen Lindwall-Bourg
“Achieve Levels of Success Worth Celebrating”
*Founder, Karen Bourg Companies http://karenbourg.com
*Owner, President {Inter}National Association of Christian Women Entrepreneurs/International Christian Mompreneur Network http://nacwe.org
*Founder, RHEMA Publishing House http://rhemapublishinghouse.com
*Founder, RHEMA Lakeside Retreat Center https://www.facebook.com/rhemaretreat/
*Founder, RHEMA Counseling Associates http://rhemacounseling.com
About Karen Lindwall-Bourg
Karen Lindwall-Bourg is the President of the {Inter} National Association of Christian Women Entrepreneurs [est. May 2010] and the new President of the International Christian Mompreneur Network [est. July 2010], both at http://nacwe.org . She and the NACWE Operations and Leadership Teams work diligently to provide
· Community
· Networking
· Education
· Missions
opportunities to Christian Women Entrepreneurs, Mompreneurs and Nanapreneurs alike all over the world!
Our Core Values are
· Community – we value Connection, Collaboration and Contribution
· Networking – we value Nurture, New relationships and New and innovative offers
· Education – we value Encouragement, Excellence and Expressiveness, and
· Missions – we value Ministry and Making a difference
Karen is wife to Fred, Mommy to 6 kids and 5 in-loves, Nana to “going-on” 12 grandchildren, and treat provider deluxe for a herd of Great Pyrenees who protect their north TX ranch! She is an entrepreneur coach, author, publisher, retreat hostess and more! Learn more about Mastermind groups and “Celebration” coaching with Karen at http://karenbourg.com.